I am in one of your thoughts
That seems to linger around
I am a tiny trace in your being
I am waiting to be found

I am but a fragment,
I am but a space
I am but a void
I am nothing of significance

I creep up when you don't remember
I get lost without a sound
I hide under the covers
I shelter beneath the crowd

I am the hope
I am the smile
I am the promise
You left behind

Yet, I am seeking you
Yet, I am waiting at your door
You never seem to bother
I am "all that and more"

Your pleasure is limited
Your pain, relentless
Yet you forget me
When your heart's not heavy

I will always wait for you
And willingly you will return
I will not ask questions
About things you have learnt

For even I know its hard,
And I am giving you my reward
You have already paid the price, my child
You nursed a broken heart..

(this post is especially dedicated to everyone.. ;)

I am stupid, I am amused

If I am not wrong,I am a fool

I am careless, I am last-moment

I pay no heed to my senses

I fall, I sleep,

I get up when necessary

I cry for hours, I snap out,

I have sulked enough

I dance alone in my room

I throw things that can be reused

I say things I dont mean

I live in a different century

I am selfish, I want more

I am dry, I am a bore

I nurture abandoned neurons

I am attracted to the thorns

I am disoriented in many ways,

Some me dies, some me stays

(this one has been written for two people, one not known to me.. its for those two who have cursed the harshness of nature and yet, appreciated and accepted it.. its for those two people and they will never know)


The passion was ignited,
Two rough outers met,

Saw through the prism of stone,

His universal curse of being alone.

Storms, the flame withstood,

Fireflies died in the name of love,

The flame burned with a vengeance profound,

The sparks raised questions abound.

Incessantly proud was the candle,

For she had nurtured the flame,

The winds and the waters,

Only had excuses to fail.

The outers turned rougher,

As now, they had turned their backs,

No, the flame didn't burn out,

The candle ran out of wax.

Red-you-ced

I may not be the best person to write this text but in my gut, I think that this needed to be written by me. These are matters of the past that I ponder over and matters of the heart that remain innocent.
Is it really a thing of the past when a guy would kneel and propose with a ring in his hand to ask a girl, who he thinks will be his wife, to marry him? For what I know now is a gross contrast to the rosy images I have in my head. I would not be surprised to know that proposals are made in the middle (or probably towards the end) of an intense love making session where desires are heightened and matters of the heart are confused with matters of needs. Is it a thing of the past when relationships were valued, nurtured and protected? For what I know now is that casual sex is not considered to be adultery and kissing is an art to be practiced on many. I have studied the "availability heuristic" in psychology and though it represents something entirely different from what I am saying, it is still a good term to denote the thought ( I am not saying fact because I know many people would not agree ) that availability makes things easier and perhaps, more difficult in the long chase. Is it a thing of the past when marriages were made to work and relationships were desperately clung on to? For what I know now is that compromise is a non existent word in the dictionary and worrying about consequences is a thing of the past. If I type in "sex" in Google, I will be showered (!) with a thousand porn sites, claiming to provide me with a mate (male or female) right here, in Bombay. Is it really a thing of the past when trust meant something and love was everything? For what I know now is that the conscience is deeply buried and values are only for quoting.
What have I been reduced to? Am I really supposed to believe that there is a world out there that has not, in any point in time, beared the brunt of being a part of this generation? Or am I supposed to blindly seek refuge in fear? If I am a part of this society, I cannot be devoid of conditioning. If I am to love without a worry, the mind has to be free. If this is just one of
the products of my imagination, then I probably have no scope. But I only think what I see, hear and feel. It would only be natural for anyone to say that I could always alter my attitudes, my thinking and my perceptions but hardly do I have enough proof to convince myself that relationships today are symbolic of love, trust and respect for what I see, hear and hence know, is enough data to process the fact (!) that people are used like dump yards and sadly, sometimes, the garbage is never recycled.
The blame game doesn’t fit here. If I have to pull cords and connect the dots, the conclusion could be far from obvious since we all have a myriad of reasons for the things we choose to do. I am not in opposition, neither am I in favor of this culture that undermines humanity in its basic form. I am confused due to the complex thoughts that raid my mind when the society moves at a pace that is hard to keep up with. Maybe I am slow and the race is not for me for what f****d me over, evidently forgot to un-f*** me.

My "con"cepts

If anyone wishes to know me, the way I do or don't, you have to read this and maybe at some point in time, forget this.

I am a wanderer, but only in my mind. My thoughts take me to weird places which exist outside the realm of reality. My reality is full of fantasies. My reality constitutes nothing important except for a life that I resent and look forward to. I am blindly devoid of reason yet logic was my favourite subject. I am not cynical at heart but 99% of the times, I think something is going wrong. The remaining 1% of the times, I am simply confused.

I am never looking for more. I like to get things easy. I have never struggled enough, worked hard enough, loved enough, cared enough, studied enough and yes, laughed enough. I have cried enough, sulked enough, slept enough and fought enough. I am fascinated with the world and where it came from but I am lazy to ponder over matters that require me to delve into something that is unaccompanied by proof.

I am scared of failure and rejection. I am minus on confidence. I have a mind which waivers almost every alternate second. I don’t think life is a game. I think we all are players playing our own game in life. Hence, game is a subset of life. And life is a subset of existence and existence is a subset of eternity. Eternity is a subset of many eternities and these eternities may gradually perish but that's not my business.

If I love someone, it doesn’t matter if they love me or don’t. If I don’t love someone, it doesn’t matter if they do or don’t. My philosophy doesn’t work most of the times but it's still mine. I don’t like the concept of money, it ruins eventually. I don’t like the concept of religion, it conditions. I like the concept of time, it's always running out. I like the concept of God for maybe there is something divine in the world.